Introduction
The topic of the Biblical definition of marriage is a very complex and controversial one. We must first understand that the Bible is not like Hong Kong Fooey's instruction book. You can't just flip through the index and exclaim "Ah, here it is! The Biblical Definition of Marriage!" (apologies to those of you who are too young to remember Hong Kong Fooey).There are many verses in the Bible which talk about marriage both directly and indirectly. One thing is for certain, Christians cannot simply ignore what the Bible says on the matter. They must understand that the objective of what the Bible describes as the standard for marriage is for the benefit of all mankind in all times and God's standard does not change based on political correctness within any given people group at any given point in Earth's history.
One must also understand that the Bible does not approve of everything it records (much of the Bible is recorded history) and that there is a significant difference in Hebrew civil law provided by Moses for the governance of the Hebrew nation during Old Testament times and the moral law (given also to Moses) to govern all human conduct in all times. For example, we are no longer commanded to stone the disobedient child at the city gates, but we are still commanded to not murder.
Moral law given in the Old Testament is equally as applicable today as it was when it was originally written, morality does not change. Certain laws and rituals required in the Old Testament under the "old covenant" were superseded by grace in the "new covenant" when The Messiah came into the world.
Jesus Himself said that he did not come to abolish the law, but to fulfill it (Matthew 5:17-19). The civil law including the sacrificial system, the priestly rituals, the design and furnishings of the temple, and other such things were designed to look forward to the coming Messiah. Since the Messiah had now come (and after his death the Holy Spirit), those laws and rituals were no longer necessary.
The law Jesus did not abolish was moral law. As he continues on with the sermon on the mount in Matthew 5 he reiterates the importance of the Ten Commandments. Each of the laws that he calls out are moral law and not civil law. Jesus still attached utmost importance to the moral code that was established in the Old Testament and He was very clear that it was still very much applicable under the new covenant.
It is also important to understand that every command given to every person or group of people in the Bible is not necessarily a command for all people in all times and situations throughout the history of the world.
One such example of this principle is Jeremiah 29:11: For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." This is from the text of a letter reproduced beginning in Jeremiah 29:4 which says: "This is what the Lord Almighty, the God of Israel, says to all those I carried into exile from Jerusalem to Babylon". It is not a promise to all people at all times it is a statement to those oppressed people at that specific time.
Although, there is no doubt that God wants all of his people to prosper, it is hard to reconcile this promise (if given to all people at all times) with the mass murder of Christians in the early church resulting in the Diaspora or the mistreatment of the Jews at the hands of the Germans during WWII. If we understand the promise being made was to a certain group of people at a certain period in time, then it is not difficult to understand that God never promises a conflict free life (quite the contrary, actually).
It is commonplace for non-Christians to point out commands (not commandments) to a certain group of Hebrews during a time of war and extrapolate that God commands Christians to do the same things today. Nothing could be further from the truth.
The Bible does, however, set out clear principles of how each of us should attempt to live our lives and much of those principles are given to various people or people groups at various times as general commandments for all (like the Ten Commandments).
In order to fully understand the Biblical definition of marriage, we must analyze what the entire Bible has to say on the subject, not just a few verses here and there which are used like a dictionary definition, but also those verses containing descriptions of lifestyles described as good and proper for a healthy and prosperous marriage and a healthy and prosperous society.
Remember also that one of the most basic tenets of all of Christianity is that humans are fallible and are unable to achieve these goals absent the presence of the Holy Spirit in our lives which we receive upon salvation resulting in the "peace that passes understanding". The bottom line is, people are not expected to be perfect, but they are expected to try to be with the help and power of the Holy Spirit.
Another very important caveat to this post is that it is very easy to try to use the socially explosive topic of gay marriage (and homosexuality, in general) as the exclusive objective and not consider that those topics are just a sidebar on the Bible's instruction on marriage. The Biblical definition of marriage concerns the way married people should live and act for their own benefit and the benefit of society while living in a marriage relationship. The topic is in no way limited to heterosexual vs homosexual relationships, although that is a part of it.
The Biblical Definition of Marriage
Probably the most common passage used for the definition of Marriage is Genesis 2:23-24:"The man said, "This is now bone of my bones, And flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, Because she was taken out of Man."There are a number of implications of this verse which may not be obvious in a casual reading. The first being that the union between the the two people was made in the Garden of Eden when only two humans walked the earth.
For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh." (NASB)
A few verses prior to this (in verse 18), we are told that God created the woman as a helper for man:
Then the LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him.”
From this verse we understand that the relationship between the two was ordained by God. In clearer terms, it is God who originally invented marriage and since God invented it, only he can redefine it. We do not have the freedom to redefine marriage as we see fit any more than we can redefine the ten commandments - it is simply not in our purview.
The second implication of this verse is the notion that the two were once "one flesh" in that the woman was formed from the rib of the man (verses 21 and 22) and that the two will be reunited and become one flesh again. Marriage creates a symbiotic relationship where the two are joined together, not like a passing fling as a boyfriend and girlfriend, but as a permanent attachment.
This kind of rejoining of man and woman together as one flesh makes no sense if the concept were two men or two women. God did not take another man out of Adam, he took a woman out of Adam and the ordinance of marriage is the rejoining of those two as one flesh.
This verse is illuminated by Jesus Himself in the New Testament.
Matthew 19:3-6 quotes Jesus elaborating on this verse:
Some Pharisees came to Jesus, testing Him and asking, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any reason at all?” And He answered and said, “Have you not read that He who created them from the beginning MADE THEM MALE AND FEMALE, and said, ‘FOR THIS REASON A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER AND BE JOINED TO HIS WIFE, AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH’? “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.”
When two people enter into a marriage it is not merely a "civil union" where they share possessions and file a joint tax return. It is a spiritual joining of the two individuals together by God Himself!
Importantly, this joining is not done by a priest or preacher, a justice-of-the-peace or a ship's captain, or a magistrate of some other agent of the state or church who "marries" the individuals (although they may officiate at some kind of a ceremony), but by God.1
This next principle that can gleaned from this verse is that a marriage is between a man and a woman and no leeway is given for a man marrying anything or anyone other than a woman. In the Genesis passage referenced above, the Hebrew word for man is 'îysh (Strong's H376) which means "man" and nothing else, and the word for wife is 'ishshâh (Strong's H802) which means "woman" except when used in relationship to a man in which case it means "wife" and nothing else. There is no ambiguity here and these words can mean nothing else.
In Jesus' affirmation of the scripture quoted above in Matthew 19, he uses the terms "male" and "female". The term translated from the Greek as male is arrhēn (Strong's G730) and means only "male" or "man". The term for female is thēlus (Strong's G2338) and can only mean "female" or "woman".
Some would argue that these terms are merely symbolic of "party 1" and "party 2" and does not have to be specifically a man and a woman. The terms here are distinctively masculine and feminine and cannot be interpreted in any other way. To ignore the gender specificity in these terms is to redefine the words themselves which cannot be justified.
In Ephesians 5:25-33 Paul compares the husband and wife to Christ and the church:
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless.
So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, because we are members of His body.
FOR THIS REASON A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER AND SHALL BE JOINED TO HIS WIFE, AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH. This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church.
Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband. (NASB)
This passage does not make sense if applied to two men because one would have to compare Christ to another Christ, or for two women because one would have to compare the church to another church.
The man's relationship to his wife is compared with Christ's relationship to the church. Two husbands or two wives is simply not compatible with with this analogy.
Further, all Biblical passages dealing with marriage exclusively deal with a union between a man and a woman (see 1 Peter 3). Nowhere in any marriage related passage is it allowed that both parties to the marriage could be the same sex.
Clearly, in the Old Testament and the New Testament, marriage as defined by the Bible applies only to a man and a woman and nothing else.
Bigamy and Polygamy
The next logical question, then, is: there are many instances of bigamy and polygamy in the Bible and the Bible does not condemn this as "an abomination" or "unrighteous" as it does homosexual activity2. Does this mean that bigamy and polygamy are condoned by the Bible?
To put it in terms of the modern political discourse: should a marriage be only be between one man and one woman, or can one man be married to two or more women or vice versa?
This is a more difficult question to answer because the Bible is not nearly so clear on the subject. In Old Testament times, a man is obligated to marry his brother's wife if the brother dies and leaves his wife childless. The Bible does not say that this should only be the case if the brother is not already married.
In addition, King David is known to have had many wives and concubines and is called "a man after God's own heart" (1 Samuel 13:14; Acts 13:22).
Clearly, the issue of bigamy or polygamy is not a moral one, if it was, then it would be immoral for all people at all times (since what is immoral does not change in the Bible) and it is clearly not defined as such in the Old or New Testaments. What then is the Bible's position on people having multiple spouses?
In this instance, we must rely on the previously stated hermeneutic principle that the Bible does not approve of everything it records. For instance, Genesis 4:19 says "Lamech took to himself two wifes;", but it does not say whether or not this was acceptable, it merely states that it was so. Lamech is later shown to be an evil man (See Genesis 4:23,24).
Once again, although David is described as having multiple wives (seven listed in 1 Chronicles 3) and concubines, this was never condoned nor condemned. It was simply recorded as history. It should also be noted that Samuel's description of David as "a man after his [Gods] own heart" was before his reign as king and subsequent sinful acts (including the murderous affair with Bathsheba) and that God forgave David of his sins, but did not relieve him of the punishment for those sins. Thus, although God loved David, David was far from perfect and did not always act in ways others should emulate.
Another interesting aspect to this issue is that the Bible strictly prohibits Polyandry (a woman with more than one husband):
Romans 7:1-3 Or do you not know, brethren (for I am speaking to those who know the law), that the law has jurisdiction over a person as long as he lives?
For the married woman is bound by law to her husband while he is living; but if her husband dies, she is released from the law concerning the husband.
So then, if while her husband is living she is joined to another man, she shall be called an adulteress; but if her husband dies, she is free from the law, so that she is not an adulteress though she is joined to another man.
1Corinthians 7:39 A wife is bound as long as her husband lives; but if her husband is dead, she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord.
David, when he lusted for Bathsheba, murdered her husband so that he could marry her (2 Samuel 11). She could not be married to more than one husband at a time, but David had seven wives (including Bathsheba) so it was clearly acceptable at the time for a man to have more than one wife.
It is clear from these Biblical texts that Polyandry is not acceptable and has never been acceptable.
When dealing with bigamy and polygamy, possibly the most commonly quoted verses from the point of view supportive of monogamy are Matthew 5:32 and Matthew 19:9.
Mat 5:32 but I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except for the reason of unchastity, makes her commit adultery; and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.
Mat 19:9 "And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery."In Matthew 5:32, based on information noted above about polyandry, it is easy to see how the man would cause the wife and the new husband to commit adultery because that wife would not be considered divorced in the sight of God (who, as previously shown, is the one who joined them in marriage and the only one who can dissolve it) and she and her new husband would both be committing adultery against the first husband since the wife can only have one husband at a time.
In Matthew 19:9, if bigamy were acceptable, why would the man be committing adultery by marrying another woman if it was permissible for him to have more than one wife?
Another strong passage in support of the monogamous relationship is the analogy comparing Christ and the Church to the Husband and Wife. If the husband had more than one wife the analogy would fall apart as this would allow Christ to be the head of more than one church.
The only logical conclusion, then, is that whereas bigamy and polygamy were tolerated in the Old Testament, Christ declares that practice to be no longer acceptable. This might at first consideration seem to be a ridiculous notion until presented with Christ's answer to the Pharisees about divorce.
Matthew 19:7-9 They said to Him, "Why then did Moses command to GIVE HER A CERTIFICATE OF DIVORCE AND SEND her AWAY?"Here Jesus specifically states that the practice (divorce) which was tolerated in Old Testament times for a specific reason, is no longer acceptable.
He said to them, "Because of your hardness of heart Moses permitted you to divorce your wives; but from the beginning it has not been this way.
And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery."
There are any number of reasons why God would allow bigamy and polygamy in Old Testament times.
First, in those days a woman was typically not easily able to provide for herself in a moral way. A woman could not hold a job and did not inherit, so with no man to take care of her she was routinely relegated to prostitution to provide for herself (and possibly her children).
With the likelihood that, just as is the case today, there were more women than men (especially in an age where wars would claim the lives of many men leaving their wives without a provider), it would have been necessary for a man to have to provide for more than one woman as is provided for by the civil law requiring a man to marry (and thus care for) his brother's wife.
Additionally, from the earliest times, when man was commanded by God to "be fruitful and multiply" this could occur much faster if a man could bear children with multiple wives at a time.
Based on God's original ordinance of marriage, however, that the "two shall become one flesh" (not the "three shall become one flesh", and Jesus' authoritative statement that a man was committing adultery if he married another woman after divorcing his wife absent infidelity, it is logical to infer that bigamy or polygamy, while necessary for some period of time, was not a part of God's perfect plan and by New Testament times the needs which were satisfied by the practice were no longer valid and the practice would no longer be permissible.
This understanding is further supported by Paul in his first letter to the Corinthians:
1Corinthians 7:1-5 Now concerning the things about which you wrote, it is good for a man not to touch a woman.Note in this passage that Paul refers to a man and his wife (singular) and it is not considered that the man would have more than one wife. If the man had more than one wife he could have his needs met by another wife.
But because of immoralities, each man is to have his own wife, and each woman is to have her own husband.
The husband must fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband.
The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.
Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
There are many other similar passages referring to a man and his wife (singular), but the point has been made and the location of additional supporting verses is as easy as a Google search, so there is no point in additional elaboration.
Marriage between unbelievers
At this point, we have shown how the Bible defines marriage, but, based on Paul's comments that a Christian is not obligated to stay married to a non-Christian (1 Corinthians 7:12-15), one must consider the question: Does God recognize marriage by non-Christians (or in the pre-Messianic age, by non-Jews).There is quite a bit of precedent that God does recognize marriages of non-believing couples so long as they comply with His definition of the term. Remember, the union between two individuals is ordained by God himself and not by a priest, rabbi, cleric, or other religious or non-religious magistrate. A couple is only "married" if God joins them together.
The first precedent is in the aforementioned statements by Paul on marriages between believers and unbelievers (1 Corinthians 7:12-15). In these cases, the two are considered married even though one of the two are not believers.
In Genesis 20:17, Abraham prays for Abimelech and God "healed Abimelech and his wife." From this we see that Amimelech's marriage to his wife was recognized by God and Abimelech was certainly not a Jew (or Christian).
We find many other instances of non-Jews and non-Christians being referenced as a husband and wife as well, so there is no doubt that God recognizes such marriages.
Of interest on this topic is also Paul's command to widows. In 1 Corinthians 7:39, Paul says if a woman's husband dies she is free to marry whoever she wished "only in the Lord", meaning, she can marry whomever she wishes "who is a Christian".
In 2 Corinthians 6:14, Paul says "Do not be bound together with unbelievers; for what partnership have righteousness and lawlessness, or what fellowship has light with darkness?" The King James version says "Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers".
This verse has a much broader context than marriage, but it most certainly applies to marriage as well. The reasoning given is that if Christians are bound (yoked) by the Bible to try to do what God has commanded, but unbelievers have not, then the two parties are not on equal ground (we will talk more about the importance of this in the next section).
To put it into the context of marriage; if the wife is doing her duty as a good Christian wife and supporting and submitting to her husband, but the husband is not living according the the duty of a good Christian husband and putting his wife's needs above his own, then the result may not be the harmonious life that God wants married people to have together.
Certainly, unbelievers can live by these Biblical tenets as well and life can be harmonious for the couple (as Paul clearly states), but when issues of how the children are taught concerning spiritual matters come up, it is difficult (at best) to raise the children as children of the light when one of the parents is walking in darkness.
For this reason, believers should not marry unbelievers.
Marital Obligations
The Bible not only defines what constitutes a marriage, it also defines the obligations assigned to those who are joined in marriage. Importantly, these obligations are not about what a person should get out of the marriage, rather, they are about what a person is required to put into the marriage.Because God's plan for marriage is perfect, He gives us instructions in the Bible for how husbands and wives should behave in the marriage relationship and these are as much a part of the Biblical definition of marriage as is who can be a party to one.
First, we are to love God above all else. In Luke 10:27, Jesus tells us to "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and all your mind". It is through loving God above all else that we are able to better love our spouse and children.
This is a difficult concept for non-believers who say, "If God told you to kill your own child would you do it?" They ask this question primarily because they have heard of (or have read) the story of Abraham being told by God to sacrifice Isaac and they find Abraham's agreeing to do that to be abhorrent. The notion that God would ask someone to kill their own child is atrocious to them, but comes from a fundamental misunderstanding of the story of Abraham and Isaac.
Early in Abraham's life, he did not trust God. First, God sent him to a new land and when he got there he told Sarah to say she was his sister because he was afraid someone in the new land would kill him so they could take Sarah as their own wife. He did not trust that God would (or perhaps could) protect him and his family in this new land. As a result, Abimelech took Sarah as his own wife not knowing that she was already married to Abraham. God showed Abraham his power by cursing Abimelech's family (he later removed the curse since Abimelech was tricked) and restoring Sarah to Abraham and protecting them (and even causing them to prosper) in this new land. On a side note, Sarah's marriage to Abimelech was never recognized by God and so they were never truly married and no divorce was necessary for her to return to Abraham as his wife.
Next, God told him he was going to give Abraham a son through Sarah, but Abraham, not trusting that God could do that with Sarah who was quite old, took Sarah's maid Hagar to bear him a son (Ishmael) instead. God proved his power once again by giving Sarah a child (Isaac) even in her old age.
Abraham finally ended up learning his lesson. By the time Isaac was a young man Abraham put his full confidence and trust in God above all else.
When God told Abraham to sacrifice his son on an alter, He never had any intention of allowing Abraham to go through it. God wanted Abraham to understand that he could fully trust God above all else and Abraham finally got it.
When he went up onto the mountain with Isaac, Abraham told his servants "We will return" (Genesis 22:5). We are later told that Abraham believed that when he offered Isaac as a sacrifice that God would raise Isaac from the dead (Hebrews 11:9).
Most importantly, this entire episode is a typology of God's sacrifice of his Son to draw all mankind to himself. Just as Abraham trusted God and believed He would raise his son Isaac from the dead, we trust God and believe that God did raise His son Jesus from the dead (see Romans 4:22-25).
The entire episode was meant by God to be passed on from generation to generation in anticipation of the coming of God's own Son Jesus, who would be sacrificed to save us from our sins. But that is a topic for a different blog post.
The bottom line is, God never intended for Abraham to actually put his own son to death, he would not have permitted it, and he would NEVER ask us to do it. Therefore the question of whether we would kill our own spouse or child if told to do it by God is moot. It would go against everything the Bible teaches and anyone who believes that God is telling them to do any such thing should immediately remove themselves from their family's presence and seek Christian based psychological care.
The next question will then be: "Well, what if God told you to kill someone else, would you do it?" This is in direct response to commands (not commandments) given to the Israelites in the Old Testament when they were conquering the promised land. Those commands were given for a specific group of people at a specific time and for a specific reason.
God gives us those reasons throughout Genesis. The people living in that land where exceedingly evil and routinely practiced such things as child sacrifice and other heinous acts. God gave them the opportunity to repent and they did not (as did Nineveh in Jonah's time) and God brought judgement against them in order to keep that evil from spreading outside that region, but that is, once again, a topic for another blog post.
The bottom line is, God will NEVER command anyone to do anything that is contrary to his moral law and murdering someone else (anyone else) is clearly against God's moral law as specified in the Ten Commandments (killing someone in a time of war is not murder).
We have seen what God will not command us to do, lets now look at what he does command us to do.
The Husband
This brings us to the obligations placed by God on the husband. Ephesians 5:25-33 provides an elegant example of how a husband should treat his wife.Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless.
So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, because we are members of His body.
FOR THIS REASON A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER AND SHALL BE JOINED TO HIS WIFE, AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH.
This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church.
Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.
Just as it is Christ who cleanses the church and provides for her spiritual needs and gave his life for it, the husband is commanded provide for his wife's needs and be willing to give his life to protect her. This means putting the needs of his wife above his own needs.
Additionally, the husband is to care for his wife as though she were his own body (his own flesh). He is commanded to nourish her (provide for her) and to cherish her. The Greek word translated cherish here is thalpō, which means to encourage or foster as a teacher fosters learning in a student. This means much more than just providing her with food to eat and clothes to wear. The husband is to do whatever he can to help her grow as a Christian, a person, a wife, and a mother (if she is a mother). He is to support her however he can in her endeavors whatever they may be (so long as they don't contradict the Bible, as previously stated).
1 Peter 3:7 says the husband should honor his wife and live with her in an understanding way. The word translated honor is timē (Strong's G5092) and means esteem of the highest degree. He is to be utterly devoted to her and her well-being.
The Wife
The other half of this passage deals with how the wife should relate to her husband.Ephesians 5:22-24 Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord.
For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body.
But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.
Possibly one of today's society's most controversial verses in the Bible is Ephesians 5:22 which commands the wife to be subject to her husband. The word translated "be subject to" here is hupotassō (Strong's G5293) and is also translated as "submit to" or "obey" and is a voluntary act (the husband is not commanded to force his wife into subjection to his will).
The verse does not mean the wife should do whatever her husband commands her to do. Remember, the wife should first and foremost love God and submit herself to Him. So the wife should not go along with any activities which are contrary to God's word.
It is also very important that this passage not be taken out of context with the proceeding passage dealing with how the husband is to treat his wife. God's plan is perfect when both husband and wife are acting toward each other as they have been commanded.
If the husband is doing everything he can to edify and support the endeavors of his wife, there should be no conflict. If the husband's desire is to have harmony in the marriage (like the church should have harmony together as the body of Christ) then he should remember that his wife has been given to him as a helper and rely on her judgment as his closest adviser and confidant. The husband who tries to subjugate his wife to his will is clearly outside the will of God.
The wife is called to be that helper, to provide counsel, and to support her husband in his endeavors. The very end of the passage says that the wife should also see to it that she respects her husband. The word translated respect here is phobeō (Strong's G5399) which means literally to "revere".
Importantly, a woman need not be married to find fulfillment and purpose. Paul says it is better if a woman can remain unmarried (1 Corinthians 7:34), so that she can worry about the things of the Lord rather than worrying about how to please her husband. The verses mentioned here are specifically written for married women but are not a command that a woman must be married to find fulfillment through her husband.
Physical Intimacy
The Bible also talks about the attitude of each person in the marriage with regard to physical intimacy and the command is the same to husbands and wives:
1Corinthians 7:2-5 Now concerning the things about which you wrote, it is good for a man not to touch a woman.That last sentence I include for completeness, the word concession there is is suggnōmē (Strong's 4774) sometimes interpreted in the Bible as permission (and also as "sympathetic understanding" or "good judgement" from extra-Biblical sources). It is widely considered that Paul means that he is saying this based on his own knowledge and understanding and that the Holy Spirit allowed him to say it rather than commanded him to say it. In any case, it carries the weight of the Holy Spirit and does not diminish the authority which which Paul speaks.
But because of immoralities, each man is to have his own wife, and each woman is to have her own husband.
The husband must fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband.
The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.
Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
But this I say by way of concession, not of command.
I think the best summation of this passage is: "Don't use sex as a weapon". Husbands and wives have certain obligations to each other and among these is the giving of each to the other sexually to prevent "burning of passions" (1 Corinthians 7:9) which can lead to sin. It most certainly does not mean that either can force themselves on the other without consent.
Conclusion
If it has to be boiled down to one paragraph, perhaps the Biblical definition of marriage in the New Testament age is: A union (physical and spiritual) between one man and one woman, joined together by God. The union is of such a permanent nature that once joined, only God can separate them. The couple is to love God above all else and put the needs and well-being of their spouse ahead of their own.There are additional words of wisdom in the Bible for the married couple, but that is beyond the scope of this post.
Importantly, we see nowhere in the Bible where any governing authority is required to give any kind of special treatment to a married couple. The Biblical definition of marriage has nothing to do with civil benefits and is not considered to be an unalienable human right. In fact, Paul on a number of occasions (as quoted above) tells his followers that is is better if they can remain unmarried, but that it is better to marry than to burn with passion which can lead to sin.
If a person ponders entering into a marriage considering only what they will get out of it, the marriage is bound to fail. This is because the symbiotic relationship only works when both parties are more concerned with satisfying the needs of their spouse than that of themselves.
Considering all this, it is imperative that the couple considering marriage ponder what is required of them in the relationship. If either person does not believe they can provide what is required to the other, then they should not enter into that bond. It is not a matter to be taken cavalierly such as one of my friends said to me before I got married: "What's the big deal, if it doesn't work out, you just get a divorce."
It is a big deal and requires careful consideration and extreme commitment and should not be entered into lightly.
1Peter 3:8-9 To sum up, all of you be harmonious, sympathetic, brotherly, kindhearted, and humble in spirit; not returning evil for evil or insult for insult, but giving a blessing instead; for you were called for the very purpose that you might inherit a blessing.
Footnotes
1This blog is not about divorce, but the instructions that Jesus was giving are important and the subsequent verses about divorce also add some illumination into the importance of the marriage bond and God's role in it.Matthew 19: 8-9 says,
He said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart Moses permitted you to divorce your wives; but from the beginning it has not been this way. And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.”The word translated immorality here is porneia, which literally means harlotry including adultery, and incest (Strong's number G4202) and has also been translated as "unfaithfulness", meaning any sexual relations outside the bond of marriage.
It is interesting to note here that Jesus is speaking to Pharisees who are Jews. Paul provides additional illumination for Christians on this concept in 1 Corinthians 7:8-16:
But I say to the unmarried and to widows that it is good for them if they remain even as I [unmarried]. But if they do not have self-control, let them marry; for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.
But to the married I give instructions, not I, but the Lord, that the wife should not leave her husband (but if she does leave, she must remain unmarried, or else be reconciled to her husband), and that the husband should not divorce his wife.It is interesting to note that that final paragraph is instruction from Paul and not from God. The paragraph attributed to God prohibits divorce (for reasons other than infidelity as previously stated), and says that a wife "should" stay with her husband, but leaves open the possibility that a woman could leave her husband (without divorcing him). I find in this passage justification for a woman leaving an abusive relationship absent infidelity. But, importantly, if the woman leaves her husband she is still not allowed to divorce him or remarry ("must remain unmarried"). These same conditions apply to the husband.
But to the rest I say, not the Lord, that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he must not divorce her. And a woman who has an unbelieving husband, and he consents to live with her, she must not send her husband away. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified through her believing husband; for otherwise your children are unclean, but now they are holy. Yet if the unbelieving one leaves, let him leave; the brother or the sister is not under bondage in such cases, but God has called us to peace. For how do you know, O wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, O husband, whether you will save your wife? (emphasis and text in brackets is mine).
Paul's instruction (that not from God) indicates that a Christian is not obligated to stay married to a non-Christian since the non-Christian is not obligated under God's moral law. As such, a man or woman who is "unequally yoked" cannot control what their non-believing spouse (who does not consider God's moral law in their decision making) does. Even in this situation, however, the two should make every effort to stay together such that the spouse and their children will benefit from the Christian's belief.
All this to say, marriage is not just just a civil contract which can be broken at the will of the individuals and should not be entered into lightly. As is noted herein, there are significant obligations which are placed on the individuals entering into the marriage and one cannot escape those obligations because of their own will or even some civil law says they can. This is a union made by God and not by man. Man cannot create the union, nor can he break it.
A person should not consider entering into a marriage relationship with anyone whom they do not trust completely, and to whom they are completely devoted. Since God is the one who joins them together and the only valid reason God gives for divorce is infidelity, divorce is not just as simple as filing the paperwork and moving on with your life. It is one of the biggest decisions a person will ever make and should be carefully considered.
2Leviticus 18:22: "You shall not lie with a male as one lies with a female; it is an abomination." The final phrase of this verse clearly makes this issue a moral one and not a civil one. If it is an abomination then it is abhorrent to God and is such for all time and for all people.
The term translated from the Hebrew as abomination here is tô‛êbah (Strong's H8441) which literally means "morally disgusting" and "an abhorrence".
This statement does not apply to an single group of people at a single point in time because what is defined as immoral in the Bible never changes regardless of whether the world is under the old covenant or the new covenant. Remember, the new covenant changes civil law and not moral law.
Paul reiterates this in the New Testament in his letter to the Romans:
Romans 1:21-27 For even though they knew God, they did not honor Him as God or give thanks, but they became futile in their speculations, and their foolish heart was darkened.Paul also declares homosexual activity as unrighteous in his first letter to the Corinthians:
Professing to be wise, they became fools, and exchanged the glory of the incorruptible God for an image in the form of corruptible man and of birds and four-footed animals and crawling creatures.
Therefore God gave them over in the lusts of their hearts to impurity, so that their bodies would be dishonored among them.
For they exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator, who is blessed forever. Amen.
For this reason God gave them over to degrading passions; for their women exchanged the natural function for that which is unnatural, and in the same way also the men abandoned the natural function of the woman and burned in their desire toward one another, men with men committing indecent acts and receiving in their own persons the due penalty of their error.
1Corinthians 6:9-11 Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived; neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor homosexuals, nor thieves, nor the covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers, will inherit the kingdom of God.Importantly, Paul calls out that the listed sins are not unforgivable and clearly states that salvation is possible for perpetrators of any of these acts.
Such were some of you; but you were washed, but you were sanctified, but you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and in the Spirit of our God. (NASB)
The word translated here as effeminate is malakos (Strong's G3120) and literally means "soft or effeminate" and figuratively refers to a catamite (a boy who is the sexual companion of a man).
The word translated here as homosexual is arsenokoitēs (Strong's G733) and literally means "sodomites or men who abuse themselves with other men".
It is common among Christians (and others) who attempt to justify homosexuality as not being condemned in the Bible to claim that this word is misinterpreted. In order to justify this position, however, one must also reject God's moral law as specified in Leviticus and also ignore other verses such as the Romans quote which do not use this word, but instead describe the act itself.
There is simply no way for the intellectually honest to justify homosexuality in the Bible.
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